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Christian Top 10s |
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Good News/Bad News for Ministers
Good News: You baptized seven people today in the river.
Bad News: You lost two of them in the swift current.
Good News: The Women's Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.
Good News: The Elder Board accepted your job description the way you wrote it.
Bad News: They were so inspired by it, they also formed a search committee to find somebody capable of filling the position.
Good News: You finally found a choir director who approaches things exactly the same way you do.
Bad News: The choir mutinied.
Good News: Mrs. Jones is wild about your sermons.
Bad News: Mrs. Jones is also wild about the "Gong Show," "Beavis and Butthead" and "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."
Good News: Your women's softball team finally won a game.
Bad News: They beat your men's softball team.
Good News: The trustees finally voted to add more church parking.
Bad News: They are going to blacktop the front lawn of your parsonage.
Good News: Church attendance rose dramatically the last three weeks.
Bad News: You were on vacation.
Good News: Your deacons want to send you to the Holy Land.
Bad News: They are stalling until the next war.
Good News: Your biggest critic just left your church.
Bad News: He has been appointed the Head Bishop of your denomination.
Good News: The youth in your church come to your house for a surprise visit.
Bad News: It's in the middle of the night and they are armed with toilet paper and shaving cream to "decorate" your house.
top-10s[270] |
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Christian Lightbulb Jokes
1. How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
3. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, as they need to hold a debate into whether or not the lightbulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use fluorescent tubes.
4. How many Anglo-Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They always use candles instead.
5. How many evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb? Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself.
6. How many Atheists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But they are still in darkness.
7. How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? Change?????
8. How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? 10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.
9. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.
10. How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
11. How many Calvanists does it take to change a light bulb? None. If God wants it changed He will do it Himself.
12. How many charismatics does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls.
top-10s[268] |
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